I don’t know why we turn the clocks back every Fall, and I’m not even sure what it’s called. (The dark time? When everything goes bad? Months of depression?) I know I could just Google the answer to both questions, but that’s a digression I’m not willing to make right now, when I’m just warming up to a good rant.

You may have guessed that I hate it when it’s dark in the morning and pitch black at the crack of 4:30pm.

No one else in my household like it either. Every morning the horses begin milling around, looking for breakfast at what they think is their normal meal time, except instead of 6:30, it’s now 5:30.

At about the same time, Dalai wanders over my side of the bed and stares at me looking for a flickering of my eyelids which might mean I’m awake. If there is none, she leans over and breathes on me until I blink.  As you can imagine, that works. My movement causes Fiona and Jasper to wake up and they in turn stir up Poppy and the birds.

If I’m lucky, by now, it’s 6am. Arguing with them does not work. Neither does pleading.

“C’mon,” I beg, burrowing under the covers. “Just ten more minutes.”

That is Dalai’s signal to take her paw and yank my covers off. She’s not kidding anymore. She’s awake, hungry and has a full agenda. She has stuff to do.

So up I stumble and let them all outside. Before I even make it to the bathroom, they are all back and surrounding me. Staring.

Owning Great Danes means never peeing alone.

The thing is, once I’m up in the morning, I don’t even mind being awake. I actually kind of like it. The neighborhood is quiet, and if I don’t turn on the TV or check my phone, I can pretend all is right with the world.

Right.

The worst part of the time change comes later in the day. In what used to be the afternoon. Like say 4ish.  When the sun is already setting.

During most of the year I feed and then walk the dogs around 5. It gives my brain a break, and since I walk each dog separately, I get some bonding/training time with each one. It’s somewhat meditative. (Until Fiona spots the dog up the street and tries to fence fight. Then it’s loud and aggravating for everyone.)

Unfortunately, since dogs do not carry time pieces, they start nagging me for dinner about the same time as I feed the horses.  Even if I can fend off the pathetic looks of four starving canines for another hour or so, by the time we start walking, it’s dark outside.

I live in an area of Los Angeles that was once more rural than urban. It’s not like that anymore, but sidewalks are still far and few between.  This is not good, because even with speed bumps in the road, people drive really fast. I guess they are in a rush to get home before their bedtime.

Additionally, a long time ago, Murray the Dane and I were hit by a car while we crossed the street (in a SCHOOL ZONE, no less). So I’m a little gun shy about walking at night, even though I deck out the dogs in reflectors and carry a flashlight. If someone could smack into a giant black and white dog and me in broad daylight, it could easily happen again at night.

Oh, and my big brave Danes are generally afraid to walk at night.  There are scary things out there in the dark. Like coyotes, hawks and squirrels. Or blow-up Santas.

I can’t help it, but once it’s dark outside, it feels like the day is over. Literally, I’m ready to eat dinner and go to bed. Except that it’s 8:30 pm.

The dogs don’t help. Instead they (I mean Dalai and Jasper)often go into the bedroom, and hop on the bed and start whining for me to join them.

I know I’m being difficult but I don’t want to go to bed at 8:30. Or even 9:30. But I’m embarrassed to tell you have many times I’ve given into to them, just to shut them up.

I gave in and Googled it. Apparently this period of the year is called Standard Time. Which makes no sense, because under what lunatic standard does a day end at 4:30?

Changing the clocks was first suggested by Benjamin Franklin to give everyone more time to work in the summer. So we can thank him for that. Moving the time back was apparently the work of someone who owned a candle factory. Why else would they want us in the dark endlessly?

Sigh. I have plenty of time to ponder this